The internet is a monster eating its own tail when it comes to sites “aggregating” content from one another in an effort to poach site traffic. However, since Random Nerds gets zero money from your precious clicks#, I don’t feel as bad occasionally highlighting content from other sites who have come out with something cool. If, for some reason, someone does Patronize money to this post, I promise to forward it straight to Billy Domineau.

This is “I’m Aggregating This Because…”

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I, along with hundreds of thousands of other Twitter users, use parody accounts like @SeinfeldToday and @Seinfeld2000 as digital methadone to satiate a rapacious addiction to The Show About Nothing. One that, even after almost 20 years, I just haven’t been able to kick.

So, you can imagine my delight when I found out there was a ‘dead-on’ spec script floating around the internet that dared imagine what misanthropic misadventures Jerry and Co. would have gotten into in the days following the 9/11 terrorist attacks…

SeinfeldShrug

Stemming from the talented and keenly twisted mind of a sure-to-be-poached-by-someone-for-a-full-time-gig freelance writer named Billy Domineau (Weekend Update, The Onion News Network), “The Twin Towers” is the product of a writing prompt taken to its most choleric extreme.

“I was helping someone write a sketch a few months back and told them theirs needed to be an exercise in bad taste,” Domineau told The Comic’s Comic. “‘Like imagine if there was a 9/11 episode of Seinfeld…wait a minute.'”

Posting it to Google Drive last week, he signed off:

“Please join me on this journey deep into the subconscious of the multi-cam sitcom.”

 

The whole thing is embedded above, the Google Drive link is right here, and, in case you need it, here’s a little taste of what you can expect from “Twin Towers” – the Seinfeld 9/11 spec script you never knew you wanted…

 

COLD OPEN

INT. COMEDY CLUB – NIGHT

JERRY

You think they ever get backed up at

the gates of Heaven? Too many people

die at once, it just overwhelms the

system? It’s gotta be like the DMV on

a Friday. “Everyone take a number,

you’ll be judged in the order you

slipped the surly bonds of Earth.”

God’s angry at St. Peter. “What’s

going on? Keep the line moving!” “I’ve

got three angels on vacation – what do

you want?!” All these poor souls just

standing around, reading old

magazines. “This is taking an

eternity. I could’ve been in Hell by now!”

END OF COLD OPEN

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You can find Billy Domineau on Twitter at @billydomineau, on Instagram @moms4sodainpublicschools, or you can email him at [email protected] (which I most definitely will be doing to pitch the idea of getting impersonators/voice actors to record a reading of this, for no other reason than the world deserves it).

 

“Man jokes about the things that depress him, but he usually waits till a certain amount of time has passed. It must have been a tragedy when Judge Crater disappeared, but everybody jokes about it now.
 
I guess you can make a mathematical formula out of it: Tragedy plus time equals comedy.”
 

– Steve Allen