In 1895, the renowned English author and controversial colonialism supporter Rudyard Kipling wrote one of his most enduring works: “If–.”

A laundry list of conditionals masquerading as paternal advice, its alloy of ‘chin-up’ Anglicism and vigilant mindfulness has been quoted, paraphrased, and adapted by everyone from Joni Mitchell# to David Ortiz#.

Today, Random Nerds joins that illustrious, inspired club — all to announce WE’RE HIRING AN EDITORIAL INTERN!

“If you can keep your head when all about you
  Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
  If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
  But make allowance for their doubting too

Anyone with two eyes and a Twitter account has noticed that the media industry is in a transition period. Some might call it chaos — what with our President-elect sewing divisions with every utterance, major newspapers struggling to adjust to such bald-faced pushback, and the site that used to be best known for cat listicles breaking axis-tilting news – though we here at Random Nerds firmly ascribe to the Littlefinger school of thought

And, as we barrel into our second year post-relaunch, that strategy has paid off. We’ve seen some amazing writers and thinkers jump on our Patronizing lifeboat when their more stalwart vessels capsized, we’ve hired the incomparable Lindsay Hogan as our Art Director and District legend Shauna Alexander as our Head of Sales, and our nightly Evening Commute newsletter has burrowed itself into a necessary journalistic niche and inboxes nationwide. However, with daybreak on the horizon and new shores just out of sight, we find ourselves in the tenuous position of desperately needing to expand further yet hamstrung by the knowledge there will soon be even more occupational space we’ll need to fill.

Which means we’re looking for that perfect 22-25 year-old Washingtonian willing to pay their dues (while only receiving enough compensation to pay a fraction of their bills) in hopes of getting that ‘big break’ opportunity every writer I have ever met has told me was intrinsic to their success.

If you can dream — and not make dreams your master;
  If you can think — and not make thoughts your aim;
  If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
  And treat those two impostors just the same;

Above all, though, we need someone who can think.

As Editor-in-Chief, I want to say that above all we need someone who can write (/edit, /code, /design), but the truth is this position is meant for someone who can do more than just wax poetic in WordPress. We need someone who can also help Lindsay make us look way cooler than we actually are on Instagram, and who can work with Shauna to convince people to give us money in exchange for our words and thoughts.

That, most likely, means this dream candidate…

  • has a degree in either English, Journalism, Political Science or History
  • knows Photoshop (or pirated software equivalent)
  • can code (at least HTML)
  • is able to dedicate ~20 hours a week

Also, a working knowledge of domestic policy, past Bonnaroo lineups, and next-generation video game consoles wouldn’t hurt…

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
  To serve your turn long after they are gone,
 And so hold on when there is nothing in you
  Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’


If you or someone you know fits this Kipling-esque bill, then yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it fill out this handy Google form we put together and change all our lives forever.